WHOO-HOO!
WHAA-HOO!
GOOD MORNING, DR. ALBRIGHT.
OH, NINA. CALL THE FLORIST AND TELL THEM NO CARNATIONS.
I WANT THOSE FLOWERS THAT LOOK LIKE BIRDS' HEADS
WITH A STICK STUCK IN ITS EYE?
YOU KNOW, THE GOOD ONES?
WHAT'S GOING ON?
OH, SHE'S HAVING SOME BIG AFFAIR.
WHAT?! YOU--YOU TRAMP!
DICK, IT'S A CATERED AFFAIR.
YOU'RE CHEATING ON ME AND YOUR DIET?!
NO. THE NORTH RUTHERFORD COUNTRY CLUB IS PLANNING ITS CHARITY AUCTION,
AND I VOLUNTEERED MY HOUSE.
I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE IN A CLUB.
WELL, THEY HAVEN'T ASKED ME TO JOIN, NOT YET.
OH, THEY HAVE THE MOST WONDERFUL HEALTH SPA,
NOT TO MENTION, POOL, TENNIS, GOLF,
SPA CUISINE.
NOT THAT THAT'S IMPORTANT.
OH, NO.
I'M DOING THIS FOR CHARITY.
OH, WHAT CHARITY?
OH, SOMETHING FOR KIDS-- ORPHANS, I THINK.
OH, I'VE GOT SO MUCH TO DO!
I HOPE I HAVEN'T LEFT ANYTHING OUT.
WELL, LET'S SEE.
YOU'VE KISSED BUTT, SUCKED UP, FAWNED OVER, AND STROKED THEM.
A LITTLE WINE AND CHEESE, AND IT'S PARTY TIME.
NINA, WHERE'S MY GUEST LIST?
ON MY DESK.
OH, I'LL GO GET IT.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER?
SHE'S CLIMBING THE SOCIAL LADDER.
THE WHAT?
I'M--I'M SORRY, NINA.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND EBONICS.
NO. YOU KNOW, YOU TRY TO FIT IN WITH A GROUP OF PEOPLE
BY PRETENDING YOU'RE JUST LIKE THEM.
YOU TALK LIKE THEM, YOU ACT LIKE THEM,
UNTIL THEY THINK YOU'RE ONE OF THEM.
YOU KNOW WHAT THAT'S LIKE.
NO! NO, I DON'T!
AND NEITHER DOES TOMMY, SALLY, AND HARRY!
NO! WE'RE NOT SOCIAL CLIMBERS!
WE'RE HUMANS!
OH, I INVITED SO MANY PEOPLE.
I HOPE MY PLACE IS BIG ENOUGH.
WELL, I HAVE AN IDEA.
WHY DON'T YOU HAVE YOUR MEETING IN MY PLACE?
YOUR PLACE? AH...WELL...
SEE, DICK, MOST OF THE PEOPLE ARE COMING FROM NORTH RUTHERFORD,
AND YOUR PLACE IS... ALL THE WAY OVER ON THE OTHER SIDE OF TOWN.
BUT THE BUSES RUN UNTIL 9:00.
WHAT SHE MEANS IS YOU LIVE ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE TRACKS.
THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M SAYING...OUT LOUD.
WHAT?
WELL, IT'S JUST THAT I'VE TRIED SO HARD
TO GET THESE PEOPLE TO ACCEPT ME
THAT I DON'T WANT TO INVITE THEM TO MY BOYFRIEND'S ATTIC
WITH HIS... UNUSUAL BROTHER AND...
ANGRY AMAZON SISTER...
IN THE HEART OF THE MEAT-PACKING DISTRICT.
NO OFFENSE.
NO. NONE TAKEN.
OR UNDERSTOOD.
[CROWD CHEERING]
OH! OH! OH!
THAT'S GOTTA HURT!
THIS IS AN INCREDIBLE SPORT.
THESE GUYS MUST BE THE BEST ATHLETES ON EARTH!
WELL, THEY DON'T CALL IT PROFESSIONAL WRESTLIN' FOR NOTHIN'.
OH! OH! OH!
TURN OFF THE TV!
OH, BUT, DICK, IT'S YOUR FAVORITE!
[GRAVELLY VOICE] THE GRAVEDIGGER!
I DON'T CARE WHO IT IS! WE'RE NOT--
OH, LOOK. HE'S GOT A NEW SHOVEL.
DO YOU THINK WE LIVE ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE TRACKS?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
THE TRACKS ARE RIGHT OVER THERE!
IF WE LIVED ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THEM,
WE'D HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE TRAIN TO PASS
EVERY TIME WE WENT TO THE LIQUOR STORE.
HI. HI. HI.
DID I MISS THE GRUDGE MATCH?
MRS. DUBCEK,
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO NORTH RUTHERFORD?
NORTH RUTHERFORD? SURE.
I ONCE HAD A FLING WITH A POOL BOY UP THERE.
LOVELY CABANA. VERY NICE.
WELL, WHAT'S SO SPECIAL ABOUT IT?
Sally: DIFFERENT CLASS?
YOU MEAN NOT HOMO SAPIENS?
OH, NO. THEY HAVE THEIR ARTSY TYPES, TOO,
BUT THEY'RE VERY DISCREET.
HEY, SOLOMON.
HEY, ELMAN, ROMANO.
HOW'S IT GOIN', GUYS?
YOU ARE DEAD, SOLOMON!
WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU?
YOU BUST OUT LAUGHIN' IN MATH CLASS ANYTIME WE SAY ANYTHING.
YEAH, BUT, GUYS, ONLY AT THE REALLY STUPID STUFF.
GET HIM!
WAIT! HOW COULD I KNOW IT BOTHERED YOU GUYS?
BELIEVE ME, I WON'T DO IT AGAIN.
HI.
ARE YOU OK?
OH, YEAH, I'M FINE. HOW ARE YOU?
HEY, DON'T LET THOSE GUYS BOTHER YOU, HUH?
THEY'RE JUST HAVIN' FUN.
OH, YEAH, I KNOW.
WE HAD A FEW LAUGHS LAST WEEK
WHEN THEY PANTSED ME IN THE CAFETERIA.
I'M LORNA.
OH, YEAH, I KNOW.
YOU WERE IN MY MATH CLASS LAST YEAR.
OH, RIGHT! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?
I PASSED.
YOU KNOW, LORNA, I REALIZED SOMETHING SITTING IN THAT LOCKER.
WHAT WAS THAT?
I REALLY SHOULD WASH MY GYM SHORTS MORE OFTEN.
WHAT'S THAT?
OH, NOTHIN'.
IT'S SOME STUPID POETRY I WROTE.
CAN I READ IT?
IT'S NOT VERY GOOD.
AW, COME ON. COME ON. COME ON.
WHATEVER.
"LAST NIGHT, DEATH SIGNED MY YEARBOOK.
"HAVE A GOOD SUMMER, HE WROTE, SEE YA NEXT YEAR.
"AND THEN I REALIZED IT WASN'T MY YEARBOOK HE SIGNED.
IT WAS MY TOMBSTONE."
WHAT DO YA THINK?
I LIKED IT!
ESPECIALLY THE SURPRISE ENDING THERE.
YOU ARE THE FIRST ONE TO GET THE IRONY.
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE ONE ON THE BACK?
UH...
"DEATH SENT ME AN E-MAIL..."
THERE'S A MOTIF HERE, RIGHT?
YEAH!
AH.
MR. AND MRS. ST. CLAIR, SO GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
WE'VE MET BEFORE?
YES. SEVERAL TIMES.
WE WERE TRAPPED IN AN ELEVATOR FOR 6 HOURS.
DOESN'T RING A BELL.
I PRIED OPEN THE ROOF AND CLIMBED 2 STORIES TO GET HELP?
OH, YES! OH, YES! SHE HAD ON THOSE AWFUL LEATHERETTE BOOTS.
[DOORBELL CHIMES]
HELLO, MARY!
I BROUGHT YOU A BOX OF WINE.
I DON'T DRINK THAT!
WELL, THEN WHY DO YOU KEEP RUNNING OUT OF IT?
GIVE ME THE DAMN BOX.
I'LL HAVE A GLASS OF MERLOT.
AND I'LL HAVE A NICE HAWAIIAN PUNCH.
I DON'T BELIEVE WE'VE MET...
EDGAR ST. CLAIR.
DON'T BELIEVE WE'VE MET EDGAR ALLAN POE.
BUT I'M DICK SOLOMON.
AND WHAT DO YOU DO, MR. SOLOMON?
I'M IN, UH...
[IMITATING EDGAR] PHYSICS...
MR. ST. CLAIR.
PHYSICS, EH?
I ALWAYS THOUGHT IF I HADN'T GONE INTO BUSINESS,
I'D HAVE DONE SOMETHING IN PHYSICS.
YES, AND IF YOU HAD WHEELS, YOU'D BE A BUS.
[BOTH CHORTLING]
ACTUALLY, I OWN SEVERAL BUS LINES.
REALLY? THEN ALL YOU NEED IS THE CHASSIS.
[BOTH CHORTLING]
HOW'S EVERYTHING HERE?
PERFECT. THANK YOU...MARY.
NO. THANK YOU FOR COMING.
IT'S MY PLEASURE.
OH, NO. IT'S MY PLEASURE TO HAVE YOU HERE.
THANK YOU AGAIN.
SO SAD.
YES. SHE'S TRYING SO HARD.
YOU CAN ALMOST SMELL THE DESPERATION.
OH, NO. I THINK THAT'S HER DOG.
YOU ARE A TICKET.
SAY, YOU MUST COME BY THE CLUB. THE BOYS SHOULD MEET YOU.
IT'LL BE A KICK.
OOH, GOOD. CAN I KICK BACK?
[ALL CHORTLING]
OH, HI, LORNA--
UH, BYE, LORNA.
BACK FOR MORE, GENIUS?
YOU'RE DEAD, EINSTEIN.
WILL YOU GUYS STOP?
YOU JUST WANT TO BEAT HIM UP BECAUSE HE'S SMART.
SO?
NOW, WAIT A MINUTE, GUYS. SHE'S RIGHT.
SEE, IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT, IF I'M SMART...AND YOU GUYS ARE MORONS--
N-NOTHING PERSONAL--
WOULDN'T IT MAKE MORE SENSE FOR YOU TO USE MY INTELLIGENCE
TO YOUR ADVANTAGE?
HUH?
HERE. LET ME USE A VISUAL AID.
TAKE THAT KID.
OK.
THIS ONE?
UH...YEAH, YEAH.
NOW, SEE, UM,
YOU'D PROBABLY LIKE TO BEAT HIM UP, RIGHT?
DEFINITELY!
BUT, SEE, YOU SHOULDN'T,
BECAUSE HIS SISTER IS DATING THE THIRD-FLOOR HALL MONITOR,
AND IF YOU BEAT HIM UP, YOU'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO DITCH CHEMISTRY.
WE DON'T TAKE CHEMISTRY.
NO.
BUT NOW YA CAN, AND YOU'LL NEVER HAVE TO GO.
SEE? TOLD YA HE WAS SMART.
WE DON'T HAVE TO TAKE CHEMISTRY!
SINGAPORE SAL, THE IRON MAIDEN, CIRCLES HER PREY.
HER OPPONENT, HANDSOME HARRY, CIRCLES NERVOUSLY,
HOPING TO AVOID YET ANOTHER SERIOUS INJURY.
YAAAH!
HUNH!
YOU'RE GOOD.
[WHEEZING] REAL GOOD.
AH, WELL, HELLO...
PAIR OF HOOLIGANS.
WHO'S THE DORK?
OH, HARRY SOLOMON. NICE TO MEET YOU.
COME ON, GUYS.
OUT ON THE ROOF. WHERE YA GOING?
WHAT ARE YA GONNA DO?
BURN STUFF, THROW JUNK AT CARS.
ALL RIGHT. HAVE A GOOD TIME.
[TAUNTING]
I LIKE HIS FRIENDS.
NICE KIDS.
I KNOW. ME, TOO.
WHAAH!
WELL, HE STARTED IT.
SO HOW WAS YOUR PARTY?
DID YOU PLAY PIN THE TAIL ON THE BENTLEY?
NO. MOSTLY WE JUST PLAYED PIN THE CHEESE ON THE CRACKER.
EXCITING PARTY, HUH?
EXCITING? IT WAS AWFUL.
I HAD A 2-HOUR CONVERSATION WITH SOMEONE
ABOUT CORNISH GAY MEN.
ARE YOU SURE IT WASN'T CORNISH GAME HEN?
THAT'S WHAT I SAID-- CORNISH GAY MEN. AREN'T YOU LISTENING?
OK.
GOOD MORNING, EVERYBODY.
DICK, WASN'T LAST NIGHT FUN?
HAVE YOU EVER MET A GROUP OF MORE INTERESTING PEOPLE?
HERE. MR. ST. CLAIR CALLED.
OHH. MR. ST. CLAIR CALLED.
THAT'S SO EXCITING. WHAT DID HE SAY?
HE SAID TO CALL HIM BACK.
OH, ISN'T THAT SWEET?
MR. ST. CLAIR WANTS ME TO CALL HIM BACK.
WHAT SHOULD I DO?
CALL HIM BACK.
OH, RIGHT, RIGHT.
UH, YES, IS MR. ST. CLAIR IN?
MR. ST. CLAIR! MARY ALBRIGHT.
HI!
OH, I'D BE HONORED TO COME.
WHO?
DICK?
UH, WELL, SURE, I'LL BRING HIM.
YES, HE IS THAT.
WELL, THANK YOU.
NO, NO,
THANK YOU.
BYE.
DICK, THIS IS SO EXCITING.
THE ST. CLAIRS WANT TO INVITE US TO THEIR CLUB TOMORROW NIGHT.
TOMORROW? I--I--I--I CAN'T.
WELL, WHY NOT?
WELL, FOR OPENERS, TOMORROW IS SPAGHETTI AND WAFFLE NIGHT,
AND THE WHOLE FAMILY IS GOING MAD WITH ANTICIPATION.
CAN'T YOU CANCEL?
AND BREAK THEIR LITTLE HEARTS? NO.
SALLY'S ALREADY MADE THE PESTO SYRUP.
SO...BRING THEM ALONG.
OH, DICK, I REALLY WANT TO GO.
AND THEY REALLY WANT YOU TO BE THERE.
WHY?
WELL, THEY LIKE YOU.
THEY THINK YOU'RE FUN.
OH, PLEASE.
FOR ME.
ALL RIGHT.
FINE, MARY.
FOR YOU.
OHH, THANKS.
I APPRECIATE IT.
NO, IT'S OK.
WE'RE HAVING SPAGHETTI AND WAFFLES TONIGHT, TOO.
HEY!
HEY, TOMMY, SORRY.
IT WAS JUST AN ACCIDENT.
ALL RIGHT, KID.
DON'T SWEAT IT. GET LOST NOW.
[BELL RINGS]
HEY, SOLOMON! LET'S GET OUTTA HERE, MAN.
WAIT, WHERE ARE YOU GUYS GOING?
WE'RE GONNA GO SET OFF THE FIRE ALARM.
WHY?
WHY?! 'CAUSE THE ALARM'S GONNA GO OFF,
AND THERE'S GONNA BE KIDS RUNNING EVERYWHERE,
AND THEY'RE GONNA HAVE TO EVACUATE THE WHOLE BUILDING.
YEAH, BRO!
I-IT MADE MORE SENSE THE FIRST TIME HE EXPLAINED IT TO ME.
Romano: YO! SOLOMON!
YEAH, MAN, WHASSUP?
NOPE. THAT'S NOT IT.
THAT'S NOT IT.
AA-AA-AA-AAH! THAT'S IT!
ALL RIGHT.
HEAD BUTTS. YOU READY?
Dick: SALLY!
SALLY! LISTEN UP. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT.
WE'VE BEEN ASKED TO HOBNOB WITH THE CREME DE LA CREME OF RUTHERFORD'S ELITE.
HMM. WELL, I'M OK HOB-WISE...
IT'S THE NOB PART WHAT CONCERNS ME.
THIS EVENING'S VERY IMPORTANT TO MARY.
WE'VE GOT TO MAKE A GOOD FIRST IMPRESSION.
OK. WHATEVER. NOW, SALLY,
EDGAR ST. CLAIR'S NEPHEW BUZZY WILL BE THERE.
HE HAS A FACE LIKE A HORSE.
I WANT YOU TO CHARM HIM.
I'LL BRING A CARROT.
HARRY, YOU WILL POSE AS SALLY'S WEALTHY COUSIN.
AH. AM I WELL-BRED?
YOU'RE OVERBRED.
IN FACT...
IN FACT, YOU'RE MUTE.
HMM. ALL RIGHTY.
OH, I MEAN...
NOW, SALLY, THEY ALREADY ADORE ME,
BUT YOU MUST STRIVE TO BE ACCEPTED BY THESE PEOPLE.
ACCEPTED?
DICK, HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN HOW HOT I AM?
I MEAN, GOOD-LOOKING WOMEN ARE ACCEPTED AT MORE PLACES THAN AMERICAN EXPRESS.
I COULD BELCH THE ALPHABET,
AND MEN WITH Ph.Ds WOULD BE ASKING ME TO TUTOR THEIR KIDS.
GREAT NEWS!
I AM NOW THE COOLEST PUNK IN SCHOOL.
WELL, CONGRATULATIONS. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I GOT SUSPENDED FOR SETTING OFF THE FIRE ALARM.
THEY SUSPENDED YOU FOR THAT? YOU SAVED HUNDREDS OF LIVES!
NO, NO, NO.
THAT'S THE BEST PART.
THERE WAS NO FIRE.
TOMMY, THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS.
THE NEXT TIME YOU SET OFF A FIRE ALARM,
YOU DAMN WELL BETTER START A FIRE FIRST!
I CAN NEVER DO ANYTHING RIGHT FOR YOU, NOW, CAN I?
HAVE YOU NOTICED?
WHAT?
THERE'S NO TV IN THIS ROOM.
THEN WHY DOES IT EXIST?
OK! HOW DO I LOOK?
OH, VERY NICE.
BUT NOT GREAT.
YOU LOOK GREAT.
YOU WOULD'VE SAID GREAT IF I LOOKED GREAT.
MARY, YOU LOOK FANTASTIC.
YOU'RE RIGHT. TOO BUSY. I'LL GO CHANGE.
THERE'S NO TV IN THERE EITHER.
THERE IS NO TV ANYWHERE ON THE GROUND FLOOR.
THAT EXPLAINS WHY SHE'S SO WEIRD.
THAT'S WHY THEM HOITY-TOITYS DIDN'T LIKE HER PARTY.
SHE GOT NO TV.
WELL, HOW DOES SHE LIVE?
ACTUALLY, SHE GETS A LOT OF INFORMATION FROM BOOKS.
WHAT?
SOMETIMES SHE EVEN READS FOR ENTERTAINMENT.
WHAT, LIKE TV GUIDE?
NO.
WHAT DO YOU THINK-- PEARLS OR GOLD?
MARY, THE ONLY ACCESSORY YOU NEED IS ME.
I'LL GO GET SOME MORE.
HEY, LORNA.
HI, TOMMY.
HEY, WHERE WERE YOU TODAY?
HOME.
I'M JUST HERE PICKING UP SOME BOOKS
'CAUSE I WAS...SUSPENDED.
GOOD-BYE, TOMMY.
WAIT, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
TOMMY, I LIKED YOU BECAUSE YOU WERE SMART.
NOW YOU'RE JUST LIKE ELMAN AND ROMANO.
YEAH, BUT YOU HANG OUT WITH ELMAN AND ROMANO.
THEY HAVE CARS?
NOW YOU'RE JUST LIKE THEM...
BUT WITHOUT A CAR.
WAIT, WAIT, I CAN CHANGE BACK. I CAN BE SMART AGAIN.
I'LL BE HAVING MY BUTT KICKED
BY TOMORROW AFTERNOON, REALLY.
HERE, STUFF ME IN A LOCKER.
IF ONLY IT WERE THAT EASY, TOMMY,
BUT YOU'LL NEVER GO BACK.
I'VE SEEN IT A MILLION TIMES.
SO, DICK, THIS WEEKEND,
ANY CHANCE WE CAN SQUEEZE IN 18 HOLES?
DEPENDS. HOW BIG ARE THE HOLES?
SO YOU'RE SAYING THAT...
WHEN A 300-POUND SOPRANO
AND A 250-POUND TENOR
DRESS IN FUNNY COSTUMES
AND TAKE 15 MINUTES TO DIE, THAT'S ART.
BUT...WHEN THE GRAVEDIGGER TAKES ON THE CAPED CANADIAN,
THAT'S TRASH?
I'M SORRY. I DON'T GET IT.
WELL, MY POINT IS
THE CULTURAL HISTOIRE--
OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. TALK IS CHEAP.
LET'S GO OUTSIDE AND SETTLE THIS THING.
WHY DO THEY CALL IT BACON?
YOU DON'T BAKE IT, YOU FRY IT.
WHY THE DEVIL CAN'T THEY CALL IT FRYCON?
AM I RIGHT, EGGIE?
YOU KNOW, I THINK HE'S ONTO SOMETHING.
MMM.
SO I MADE A BRIEF STOPOVER IN SPAIN, AND THEN--
REALLY?
I UNDERSTAND THE PLAINS OF SPAIN
EXPERIENCE MAINLY RAIN?
THEY'RE REALLY IMPRESSED WITH DICK.
HE'S GOT THEM EATING OUT OF HIS HANDS.
YEAH, I TRIED THAT ONCE, BUT IT GOT BIT BY A GOAT.
OHH, LOOK AT ME.
ALL MY LIFE I'VE BEEN ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN.
NOW I'M ON THE INSIDE.
YOU WANNA GO OUTSIDE?
NEVER AGAIN.
I'M GOING OUTSIDE.
Edgar: 6,500.
MMM, THAT MUCH?
I'M AFRAID YOU WERE TAKEN, MY FRIEND.
WAS I?
YES. I ONLY PAID $20 FOR MINE,
AND IT'S A ROLEX, TOO.
THE TRICK IS TO BUY IT STRAIGHT OFF THE TRUCK, NO OVERHEAD.
HAVE YOU LISTENED TO HIM?
WHO?
THE NUTTY PROFESSOR.
LORD KNOWS WHICH ROCK ST. CLAIR FOUND HIM UNDER.
HA HA. HA HA.
REMEMBER WHEN HE INVITED THE DUTCH TRANSVESTITE
TO READ OUR PALMS?
AND WHERE DID HE GET THAT ACCENT?
MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE?
DICKIE HAS JUST INFORMED ME ABOUT SOMETHING,
AND I THINK EVERYONE SHOULD HEAR IT.
THANK YOU, EGGIE. I DON'T MEAN TO PANIC ANYONE,
BUT I'M AFRAID THE CALAMARI IS INFESTED
WITH BABY SQUID.
DICK,
SUDDENLY I'M NOT FEELING VERY WELL.
MARY! YOU DIDN'T EAT THE CALAMARI, DID YOU?
YES, THAT'S IT.
OH, MY. WE'VE GOT TO GET YOU OUT OF HERE.
HARRY! SALLY! BRING THE CAR AROUND.
I'M SORRY, BOYS. GOTTA AM-SCRAY. TA-TA.
MARY...
YOU'RE SPOILING OUR FUN.
YOU KNOW,
IF I WERE YOU
AND HAD YOUR MONEY,
THE FIRST THING I'D DO
IS HIRE A GOOD SURGEON
TO HAVE THAT HUGE COB REMOVED FROM MY BUTT.
YOU MAY HAVE YOUR LITTLE CLUBHOUSE,
BUT NONE OF YOU IS TRULY HAPPY.
ACTUALLY...
WE ARE.
WELL, THEN...
SOME OF YOU ARE...FAT.
OH, MARY,
WHAT A WONDERFUL EVENING THAT WAS.
THE AMBIANCE, THE PEOPLE, THE REPARTEE...
OH, WASN'T IT DREADFUL? I HATED IT.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE HAVING SUCH A GOOD TIME.
MARY, I WANTED TO STICK A CHILLED SALAD FORK INTO MY EYE.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I EVER SAW IN THOSE PEOPLE.
I GUESS I SPENT SO MUCH TIME TRYING TO IMPRESS THEM
THAT I NEVER STOPPED TO REALIZE THEY WEREN'T WORTH IMPRESSING.
YOU'RE WORTH IMPRESSING, MARY.
THANK YOU.
WHAT? YOU KNOW ONE THING I DID LIKE ABOUT THEM?
THEIR SHRIMP PUFFS.
I DIDN'T HAVE ANY.
OH, NO, NO. I'VE GOT SOME RIGHT HERE.
OH.
OH, WAIT, WAIT!
I HAVE DIPPING SAUCE.
OH.
YOU KNOW, IN A WAY,
IT'S A SHAME THINGS DIDN'T WORK OUT BETTER.
AFTER ALL, THEY SEEM TO LIKE EVERYTHING YOU DO.
NOT EVERYTHING.
SURPRISE!
OH, MY GOD!
NOW YOU HAVE A TV ON THE GROUND FLOOR!
THAT'S THE BIGGEST TV I'VE EVER SEEN.
HOW DID YOU AFFORD THIS?
OH, I SOLD YOUR GRANDMOTHER'S ANTIQUE END TABLES.
WHAT?!
ACTUALLY, THAT ONLY COVERED THE DOWN PAYMENT.
YOU HAVE 12 MORE MONTHLY PAYMENTS OF $265.
WELL, UH, UH...
WELL...
GUNSMOKE!